I am a player from the Scrapyard, sometimes known as The Halfway House. I knew the player known as Null since at least 2018, when I joined the server while I was deployed overseas. I never knew him by his real name or photos; I knew him by his voice, his characters and discussions on a variety of topics ranging from politics, social issues, current events, movies, fantasy settings (such as the game of ShadowRun that we played on the same server), and through casual interaction across the internet.
First, let me offer my condolences. I learned of his passing the other evening. Another player was seeking my guidance on how to be polite and respectful regarding Null's characters in light of Null's real world passing. I had not checked the messages that day, so I can tell you that this came as a shock to me. The efforts of the other player was to ask how to respect the effect Null had left in our community, which I can assure you were many.
Second, I wish to share with you my experiences and memories. I didn't always get along with Null, but we had respect for one another. Null, as I knew him only in the context of a shared hobby, was passionate about portraying his characters and the game world we all shared. He was very much attentive to detail, and an excellent resource for providing information to facilitate the enjoyment of the game to all involved.
I realize that gaming may not be an activity understood by all. How can a group of people playing games over the internet who don't reveal their names or share their faces be considered a community? And yet, Null was a part of our community. We all shared an interest in the fantasies of worlds that only exist in our imaginations. Null was interested in crafting characters and stories. He was interested in shaping entire worlds as part of a collaborative process, with the goal being to have fun.
I know he struggled with personal issues, as I'm sure anyone from this server can tell you is not uncommon. I hope that we at least provided enjoyment and refuge during the times he needed it, as well as friendship and comraderie. He spent many nights with us, playing game sessions or discussing ideas for how to improve our gaming experiences. His time with us was not misspent.
I am a veteran still serving in the military of the United States of America. I have lost more friends, colleagues and loved ones to depression and despair than any other force in our world. I know, from very personal experience as well as training, that there is nothing further I could have done. I know that there will be those wondering if they had spent more time, or perhaps noticed something, that this could have been prevented. My goal is not to patronize you or insult your memories, but to console you.
A life has ended. Take comfort in the memories you have and do not continue to berate yourselves over what you might have done differently. His struggles have ended, and by reading this, you have ensured that he did not pass unnoticed. You cared. You have seen him. You know his story. And that is all he ever wanted. Now make ready to lay him to rest and move forward with your own lives, without succumbing to endless bitter grief or guilt.
Null's presence and passion will be missed. You have my sympathy, and should you need any support, don't feel hesitant to reach out.