Jerry Massey
Took me some time to beable to gather my thoughts and get this out here but I’m gonna start by saying thank you to everyone who came to my aunt Tracy’s services.. It really means a lot to our family to see how many people loved my aunt and cared about her. The messages, the calls, all of it has meant more than I think any of us can even explain right now.
truthfully… part of me still doesn’t believe this is real. It feels like something that shouldn’t have happened. She was one of those people you just expect to always be there. Like part of the foundation of your life. Someone you don’t even question because they’ve always been there your whole life.
When I think about my aunt, I don’t just think about memories, I think about who she was as a person. She was strong. She was loving. She could be stubborn sometimes… that’s part of what made her who she was. She loved her family hard. And she showed up for the people she cared about. You always knew where you stood with her, and there was something comforting about that.
One of the biggest things I think about is her and my mom. Their relationship was more than just sisters. It was friendship, history, and often a love hate relationship. they went through life together by each others sides no matter what and was always there for each other.
when I think about them, one of the first things that pops into my head is the way she would say my mom’s name.
Not just ….Trish…..
It was always…
“Trrrrriiiiiissssshhhhh.”
Dragged out… dramatic… loud enough that you knew something was coming next.
Sometimes she was excited.
Sometimes she was annoyed.
Sometimes she just wanted her attention.
But everybody in the family knows exactly what I’m talking about. And that’s one of those little things I’m going to hear in my head forever.
To my cousins , Anthony. Angelina and Alyssa. I want to say something directly to you. Your mom loved you more than anything. You were her world. Everything she did, she did with love for you behind it. And I know losing a parent is a pain that doesn’t make sense. There aren’t words that fix it. But what I do know is her love didn’t stop. It’s still with you. It makes you who you are. In your strength. In your hearts. You carry her with you whether you realize it or not. She is so proud of all of you . And will always be watching over you smiling
For me… she wasn’t just my aunt. She was someone I could laugh with, talk to, and just be happy every time I was around her. She was family in fullest extent of the of that word. She meant the world to me and many others
Some of my favorite memories with her are the summers. Camping almost every weekend. Being outside. Being on the boat. Being at the beach. Trying to be silly , saying funny jokes and Just being together.
Those weren’t big moments .. they were just life. That’s what made them special. Sitting around, laughing, being in the sun, being near the water, being with family. She loved those moments. And looking back now, I realize those were some of the best times…
I can still picture her in those settings… relaxed, happy, surrounded by people she loved. That’s how I’ll always see her.
Aunt Tracy was funny … sometimes on purpose, sometimes without even trying. Or sometimes just to cheer you up and make you smile
Like her dancing after she had a few drinks sometimes no drinks at all.
If you ever saw her dance to “Rockin’ Robin,” especially at camp then you know exactly what I mean.
Full energy.
Didn’t matter who was watching.
that’s one of my favorite memories, just seeing her happy, enjoying herself, not worrying about anything else. That’s how I want to remember her.
She also had that classic aunt way about her where she could love you and check you at the same time. You’d walk in the door and she’d be happy to see you, but also immediately notice something about you.
“You look tired.”
“You eating?”
“What are you doing?”
Or,
“ Oh I better go hide the snacks, Jerry’s here “
All within like 30 seconds.
And somehow it still felt like love… because it was.
Family time with her was never boring. There was always conversation, laughing, plenty of chaos. Those are the moments I keep thinking about .. The normal days. The little interactions that didn’t seem like a big deal at the time but now mean everything.
The last month has made me realize something. Grief is really just love with nowhere to go. We hurt this much because she mattered that much. Because she was part of our lives in so many ways.
And that love doesn’t disappear. It turns into memories. Stories. The way we talk about her. The way we keep her alive in this family.
I know there are going to be hard days ahead. Holidays. Birthdays. Random moments where it hits us all over again. we just have to think about all those memories
But I also know she wouldn’t want us falling apart forever. She’d want us staying close. Taking care of each other. Laughing again. Telling stories about her , probably even the embarrassing ones that she’d deny ever happened.
And if she were here right now, she’d probably say something like…
Alright, that’s enough crying
Because that’s just who she was.
Her life didn’t end without meaning. Her story will keep going, through her kids, my mom, her neices and nephews, and everyone that she loved. One of the best ways we can honor her is by loving each other the way she loved us .. loud, and without hesitation.
even through all this pain. Because as much as it hurts to lose her, I’m grateful I got to have her in my life at all. Not everyone gets an aunt like her. Not everyone gets that kind of love.
I’m going to miss her more than I can explain. I already do.
love doesn’t end when someone leaves this world. It stays with us. Forever
Aunt Tracy , I love you. Thank you for everything you were to this family. Thank you for the summers, the memories, the laughs, the love. I hope somewhere right now you’re dancing again… maybe even to Rockin’ Robin… smiling that smile we all know.
You will always be with
I love you.
Always.
